Too Hard To Do
by scabbedangel
Summary: Kim goes to visit Bobby's grave, but has trouble doing so.


Disclaimer: I don't own Third Watch or any of it's characters.

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Kim stood in front of the gate at the graveyard. She had flowers in her hand. She knew she should go in. She just couldn't do it. Going in there and seeing his name carved in stone would be too much. It hurt just thinking about it. She's done this many times. Come here planning to go in and telling him how much she loved him and missed him. That she'd never forget him no matter what happened in her life. But she could never bring herself to go in. It'd all be too real. She felt bad. He was her best friend and she was the only person who hasn't visited his grave.

Kim looked up to see a guy standing in front of her. She's seen him many times. He works here. Every time she was here he'd ask her if she was going in. She would never say anything. She would just walk away. She wanted to go in. She really did. She wanted to let Bobby know that she still cared. But she couldn't go in there. Not now, not today. She wasn't ready. She didn't know if she would ever be ready. Kim looked up again. She gave the flowers to the guy in front of her and walked away. Then she started to run. She had to get out of there and fast. She just couldn't take it. She felt the tears she was trying so hard to hold back fall down her face. Why was this so hard for her? No one else had a problem going in there and visiting his grave. She just didn't get why she couldn't go in there. She didn't understand why it was harder for her to visit his grave than anyone else. Everyone loved Bobby. He was a great guy and an even better friend.

Kim had been walking for a while now. She had no idea where she was going. She was just glad that she was away from the graveyard. She had finally stopped walking. She was exhausted. She was in front of a coffee shop. She went in to get some coffee. When she came out she looked across the street and saw a flower shop. She knew that she would have to go to Bobby's grave some time. It would be wrong for her not to. She had to tell him how much he meant to her. How much she loved him and missed him. She had to stop being afraid to see his grave. He was dead. She had to find a way to deal with it. She had to try and accept it. She's been trying to deny it for a long time. But that just made things worse. It just made everyday more painful.

Kim crossed the street and went into the shop. There were so many flowers. Too many to choose from. She wanted to get the perfect ones. She wanted to get ones that he would have liked. Her first thought was to get roses. But they're too common and too happy. She stopped when she saw some lilies. They were perfect for Bobby. They were soft, delicate, and beautiful. Just like him. Those were the perfect ones for him. She decided to get those. After she left the store, she decided she should go back to the graveyard. This time she would make herself go in. She would finally tell him that she loved him and not just as a friend. She knew she should have told him this when she had the chance. She should have stayed with Bobby to at least see if things between them would have worked out. But she was scared and lied to him. She was afraid that things between them wouldn't have worked out between them and they wouldn't have been as good as friends as they used to be. She sucked at keeping relationships. Even good ones. So, she told him she only loved him as a friend. She regretted not telling him the truth. Things would have been so much better, so much easier if she had told him the truth and wasn't so scared that things wouldn't work out. He would have made everything better. He would have convinced her that things would work out and that they would be good together. Bobby always made everything better.

Kim was in front of the graveyard again. She stood silently at the gate again just looking through it. Part of her wanted to go in, but another part of her wanted to run and keep denying that he was dead. But she couldn't leave. This time she would have to go in there. She would have to tell him how she felt. How she still felt. She looked up to see the guy standing in front of her again.

"Are you going in this time?" the guy asked.

"Yeah," Kim replied. She pushed her hair out of her face and she went in. It didn't take her long to find his grave. She stood there and looked at it for a minute. It was so hard seeing his name carved in stone. She sat down in front of his grave and put the lilies on it. Now she had to tell him how she felt. She didn't know if he would even here her though. She loved him so much, as more than a friend. He was the only person she really trusted. He was the only guy that had ever loved her for who she was and not what she looked like. He was the only person that could make her smile when her life seemed out of place and when she was down. She wanted him back. She missed him so much. It was so hard for her when she had first lost him. She wanted to be with him. She even tried to end her life to be with him. But she knew now that she shouldn't have done that. She had hurt so many people. And she scared Joey. He didn't know what really happened at first. Everyone had told him that she was sick. Then Jimmy yelled it when he was trying to take Joey away from her and Joey had heard it. She would never try anything like that again. She wouldn't be able to leave Joey. He needed her and she loved him too much. Kim looked at the grave again. She finally knew what to tell him. She had to tell him the truth. She had to tell him how she felt about him and the fact that he was gone.

"Hey, Bobby. I know I haven't been here before and that I should have. I miss you so much. I love you. Not just as a friend. I was scared to tell you that. I know that I should have. Things would have been so much better between us. We wouldn't have fought as much as we had. We would have nicer and more honest with each other. You were the best friend I've ever had. That I ever will have. You were the only person I trusted and could talk to. I told you everything except how I felt about you. I'm so sorry that it took me this long to come here and tell you all of this. I miss you and I love you. I always will," Kim said crying. She missed him so much. But she was really happy that she had finally came here and told him how she felt. She should have done this a while ago. She got up and looked at his grave once again before she turned and waked away. She loved him and she always would.

The End


End file.
